Breakfast Blend 12 oz whole bean coffee bag, product photo

Breakfast Blend

12 oz / Whole Bean
$25.99
Sale price  $25.99 Regular price 
U.S. shipping included
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Breakfast Blend 12 oz whole bean coffee bag, product photo
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Breakfast Blend 12 oz whole bean coffee bag, product photo

Breakfast Blend

One time bag price $25.99

U.S. shipping included

Bag image is representative. Choose your preferred size and grind below; your order follows your selection.

U.S. shipping included. Applicable taxes calculated at checkout.

Coffee is roasted in small batches throughout the week. Expedited shipping is not available for these coffees.

Size
Grind
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Subscribe & save 10%

Auto-renews, skip or cancel anytime.

Subscribe & save 10%

Auto-renews, skip or cancel anytime.

Subscribe & save 10%

Auto-renews, skip or cancel anytime.

Subscribe & save 10%

Auto-renews, skip or cancel anytime.

Subscribe & save 10%

Auto-renews, skip or cancel anytime.

To add to cart, go to the product page and select a purchase option

Orders typically ship within 2–5 business days, then U.S. transit usually takes 1–5 additional business days. These are estimates, not guaranteed delivery dates.

Shipping & order helpsupport@satiricalcoffee.com

The official coffee of people who have accepted that mornings are a hostage situation.

A medium roast blend for the part of the day when you are technically awake but still negotiating basic human function. No new equipment required. No spiritual journey. Just coffee that does not ask how your weekend was before you have had a sip.

Choose 12 oz, 1 lb, or 2 lb, in Whole Bean or Drip Ground. Your order matches the size and grind you select.

The Coffee Intelligence Agency recommends taking the first cup before replying all. This is advisory, but the incident reports are persuasive.

A medium roast blend for your morning routine. Bring your favorite brewer; discovering coffee does not require replacing it.

About $1.53 per brew (one-time price; 20 g coffee; 320 g water)

Explore this coffee: Piper covers its journey; Dr. Roast helps you brew it. Open a section below.

Piper’s Field Notes

This is a medium roast blend. The current product information does not identify a specific region or component recipe, so this journey begins with the blend rather than a borrowed farm story. Breakfast is an invitation, not a time restriction. The coffee has no authority over your afternoon.

Explore the Discovery Center with Piper

Dr. Roast’s Brew Lab

Use your regular drip recipe first. If you want a simple single cup experiment, an AeroPress steeps the coffee before you gently press it through a filter. Follow your model’s recipe and choose whole bean if you want to adjust grind. Compare the plain cup with your usual milk addition, keeping the coffee dose consistent. Breakfast already has enough decisions without replacing the entire kitchen.

Visit the Beverage Lab with Dr. Roast

Meet the simple brewers

Drip: Water passes through grounds and a filter. Your existing machine is a useful place to start.

French press: Grounds steep in water, then a metal filter separates them. More oils and fine particles remain, giving a fuller texture. Use a coarse grind.

Chemex: A manual pour over brewer with a paper filter that catches oils and fine particles. Try it if you enjoy a clearer texture. Use a medium coarse grind.

AeroPress: A small manual brewer where coffee steeps before gentle pressing through a filter. Follow the recipe for your model. It is different from an espresso machine.

A scale and timer: Measuring coffee and water by weight, and keeping track of time, helps you repeat a cup you enjoyed. Change one thing at a time. A better routine can come before another purchase.

Visit Coffee Gear

Count the Beans

Compare the bag sizes below using the same brewing example. A larger bag is better value per brew only when its price per gram is lower, and it fits how quickly you use your coffee. Choose the amount you will enjoy while it is fresh.

Standard shipping is included within all 50 U.S. states. Taxes are calculated at checkout.

Example: 20 g coffee with 320 g water per brew. Estimated cost is the bag price divided by its net coffee weight, multiplied by 20 g. Your mug size and recipe change the yield; this is not a guaranteed cup count. Milk and other additions are separate.

Current one time bag prices and estimated cost per 20 g brew
Bag sizeBagPer brew
12 oz$25.99$1.53
1 lb$33.99$1.50
2 lb$59.99$1.32

Use the purchase options for any subscription price. These estimates use one time prices.

       

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