Originals
$24.99 USD before tax
Choose 12 of 14 Originals characters in one style. One roast color and one uploaded photo apply to the whole pack.
Choose OriginalsYour Beanify Starter orders
This is the original Beanify Starter page. It keeps your earlier orders safe: open My Beanify orders to finish a payment, upload your photo, check progress or download your saved images. Nothing you already ordered has moved.
Start a new Beanify order in the Lab
New orders are made in the Beanify Lab: the Starter is $4.99 for your first two characters in both styles (four images), each additional image is $1.75, and Create Your Own is $4.99 for two images. Prices are before tax and confirmed again before checkout.
Welcome to BeanifyView your saved Beans
Your image queue
Checking Beanify
Checking the current release before showing any purchase option.
Beanify isn’t reachable right now
Nothing was started or charged. Your saved images and previous orders remain available to you.
Your account
Ready for a new Bean?
New Starter, additional image and Create Your Own orders are made in the Beanify Lab. Starter $4.99, additional images $1.75 each, Create Your Own $4.99.
My Beanify orders
Starter and add-on orders. Your 12-image pack orders open on their own pack page.
You also have pack orders. Open them on their pack page:
Your checkout is ready
Checkout opens in a new tab. After paying, come back here to upload your photo.
We’ll confirm payment automatically.
Your order is ready for its photo
Your photo was received
Continue with that photo to create the Beans already on this order.
Your Beans are taking shape
Getting your order ready.
You can leave and return to My Beanify orders. Your results are saved to your account.
The wardrobe department has finally accepted that beans need pants.
Finishing delivery
Your results are recorded. We’re checking their saved download links.
Your download links need more time
We couldn’t confirm all your download links after repeated checks. Check your saved results again, or return to My Beanify orders later. If this keeps happening, contact Satirical Coffee. Please don’t pay or upload again for this order.
Working…
Before you add a photo
This private test is for adults using a photograph of themselves. Eligibility is based on your answers, not a facial age check.
Choose your birth month and year. These values are sent to Beanify for the eligibility decision, not stored by this page.
Adult Use and Image-Processing Notice
Who Beanify is for
Beanify is for adults age 18 and older. We ask you to confirm eligibility before submitting a photograph.
We do not scan faces to check age
We do not use facial recognition, face matching, biometric identification, or automated facial-age estimation to determine eligibility. We choose not to create or retain that additional sensitive information as part of this service.
What happens to your photograph
A source photograph is processed temporarily to create a Bean. Satirical Coffee does not retain the source photograph after processing completes or fails. The system retains a limited compliance receipt—such as your acceptance of this notice, relevant timestamps, and deletion-status evidence—not the source photograph, thumbnail, source location, or image content.
Photographs of children and of other people
Do not submit a photograph of a child or of another person without that person’s authorization. Family Beanify does not accept photographs and creates fictional characters from non-personal choices.
If we receive a report
If we receive a credible report that an adult-only submission involved a child or was otherwise unauthorized, we may restrict the related account or feature and review the limited compliance record. This does not require us to retain or inspect the original source photograph.
What this notice is, and what it is not
This notice explains Satirical Coffee’s practices. It does not replace your responsibility to use the service lawfully, and it does not make a facial determination about anyone’s age.
What the compliance receipt records
What the compliance receipt never records
Check your answer
Confirm only if the month and year are correct and you agree to the notice you just read.
Photo Beanify isn’t available on this account
This private photo test cannot continue. No photograph has been requested by this step.
We can’t safely continue this test
We could not confirm the eligibility or notice response. Nothing will be resubmitted automatically. Please report this test.
Before you upload
The wording below is provided by the server and shown exactly as received.
Upload one photo
A front-facing photo of just you, well lit, works best.
This sends your photo securely to Beanify and starts the results on this order.
Uploading…
Your Beans are ready.
Your finished Beans are saved to your account.
The server returned no finished assets yet.
Choose a 12-image pack
Packs are separate from the Starter. Each is bought and opened on its own page, with its own orders.
Availability is limited during launch. Each page checks your choices and total before secure checkout; applicable tax appears at checkout.